Every. Day.

Every day, I am faced with a choice. Every. Day.

The choice: To get up out of bed, make the best of that day. Carpe diem.

Yes, It’s a choice. Because I could just lie there. And most days I wish I could do just that. However, therein lies the path to the dark side, young padawan.

Get up and be productive. Be a benefit to those around you. Whether that means: going to work. Cleaning the house. Trying to help someone out. Not complain. Offer someone a cup of coffee. Hug someone. Live life. Connect.

For some it comes naturally. Those are the people who jump out of bed happy to be alive.  I need to remind myself not to growl at them in envy.

I won’t lie. It’s a struggle. Every. Day.

And some day’s I fail. I’m grumpy all day. It’s an uphill battle. Day in. Day out. And I’m left feeling exhausted.

But I’m not allowed to fail too much. I’ve got a job. I’ve got a husband and a kid. And those things come with responsibility and expectations.

That’s life.

And between trying to climb the mountain and not slipping, I forget to smell the roses. I let life happen. I fall into a monotonous pattern of repeat. I don’t take on too much. I build boundaries as high as Great Wall of China. Simply put I just can’t deal with what’s on the other side. And I should not have to. That is what boundaries are there for.

Obviously, I’m talking about emotional and personal boundaries here. I’ve been reading a lot about how healthy they are. Problem is that they can leave you feeling lonely. Unconnected. Depressed. It becomes a prison of your own making.

People say, my life is utterly boring. I’m letting my talents go to waste. They ask me how can I live like this. Obviously, keeping up with the Kardashians is not very high on my priority list. Neither is leaving the house if I don’t have to.

On some level, I realize that this is not only bad for myself but that it has an effect on those around me. I try. Obviously, I don’t try to keep up with the K’s because there just so many more intellectually stimulating things I could be doing. But I do try to get out some.

I go shopping – cause I need stuff. I work – cause I have to. I try to meet relatives and friends from time to time. I even went to a birthday party with my daughter when she was invited – since I felt she is too young to go alone.

And I blog. Even that is a social activity – although it is limited, in that the people are not directly in my face. Nevertheless, this is hard from time to time.

What people fail to realize about hermits and weirdos such as myself is, that we make a choice.

Every. Day. We make a choice.

We choose to live.

 

About the Author

profile-pic-2Sarina often sat on the peaks of the dunes of Southern Africa watching the ocean tide drift in. A day-dreamer, often dreaming up stories for lands somewhere over the rainbow. She is a mother, a wife, a blogger and an overall creative spirit. Above all, she is a human being.

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8 thoughts on “Every. Day.”

  1. *hugs* ❤
    I am tired of being the strong one, carrying everyone. But I keep doing it because that's what I do, even if sometimes I'm close to tears from having to do it all. From missing my kids who are at their father's every second week (and that week they're away, I feel invisible in my own house, not to my wife, no, but to her kids).
    So I get up, make lunches, go to art school from 9am to 3pm, feed all 10 pets because no one else is doing it if I don't and I do the groceries and I tell my wife I love her, because I do, really, truly.
    I just wish her anxiety would fuck off for a while…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Every. Day.
    It is a choice.
    And sometimes, I fail. Spectacularly. I’ll lay in bed all day. (I don’t have a job.) I’ll beg my husband to carry more than his share in this relationship.
    But today is not that day.
    Because every day is new.
    Every day comes with a choice.
    Today, I made the healthy choice.
    And it led me to your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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